Spiritual Experience

A lesson in Control

The first day that I moved into my new house, there were bluebirds in my backyard. These were the first bluebirds I had seen since I was ten years old on a field trip. I was thrilled and immediately put up a bluebird box, hoping they would nest and they did the following year. Unfortunately, spring came early and was followed by a period of bitter cold. All five babies died during the cold snap. I had no idea what had gone wrong. There was a local bluebird rehabilitation group and when I contacted them for information, I was put in touch with "Mr. Bluebird" who monitored many of the county's bird boxes and rehabilitated sick or injured birds. I was told that my case was not unusual as bluebird nests all over the countryside yielded frozen babies that Spring.

I started helping out, monitoring boxes in my neighborhood and assisting Mr. Bluebird with his rounds. I learned a lot about caring for these birds and their rehabilitation needs. Bluebirds are very gentle birds, but they will protect their young at the cost of their own lives. They will not leave the nest when attacked. Their major predator is the house sparrow which is not native, but an accidental import from Europe. House sparrows complete with bluebirds for nesting boxes. They will jump into the bluebird box and carry off the smallest babies or peck the mother and fledglings to death by pounding on their heads. The mother will usually die on her young as she will refuse to move. The house sparrow will then proceed to kill the babies. It was common to find severely injured bluebirds while making rounds. Mr. Bluebird did his best to rehabilitate those birds.

One day two three-day-old bluebirds close to death were brought to my home. They were not expected to live, their heads were so badly pecked. One bird was paralyzed on the left side of his body. Mr. Bluebird was going out of town for the weekend and there was no one else to take the birds. He asked me to fill in. I cared for them as I had been taught, but I also did Reiki on them, an energetic healing technique. One recovered quickly and I called him Godzilla. I had to put him in a separate box to keep him from stomping all over his sibling. After two days Mr. Bluebird was back on town and Godzilla was taken out to a nest with similar aged baby bluebirds for adoption by the parents. The second bird was recovering slowly. He was no longer paralyzed, but did not seem to have the same will to live. Though I noticed this, I kept healing and feeding. My ego needed to pull off a miracle.

On the third day of care and after a feeding, the baby bird gave a huge sigh and in that sigh I saw my folly. I was willing this bird to live and he wanted to die. So I gently said, "You don't have to do this, you know. Just stop your breath!" With that the bird took a second breath in and a much longer exhale. As it exhaled, his head rolled to the side, his wings dropped down and open, his legs went limp. His third and last breath was shallow. I realized that I was witnessing death. The Tibetans say "three breaths and you are out," (meaning out of body and passed over). But I could see the bird's heart still beating inside its tiny chest. So I said, "Now stop your heart."

With that the baby bird opened his eye for the first and only time in his short life. Baby bluebird's eyes are sealed shut at birth and do not open until they are older than my young friend. The open eye stared straight into my heart and we were instantly one. I can never put into words the connection he and I made at that moment, but I am forever changed by the experience of letting him go. Once I stopped controlling and began to honor his dance, I saw his life as he wanted it to be. I witnessed his intelligence, wisdom, and total lack of fear. I glimpsed the reflection of God in him. I was touched by this tiny being. With that, his eye closed and his heartbeats followed the same pattern as his former breaths. Three beats and he was gone. He died in my hand, within seconds of my release, and left me with an understanding I will treasure all my life.
 

Excerpt from Heart Journey